Surviving domestic violence and homelessness

At A Triumph of Spirit: Using Spiritual Principles to Overcome Domestic Violence and Homelessness , we value creativity, diversity, and inclusivity. We believe that everyone has a story to tell, and we're committed to promoting and sharing stories from writers of all backgrounds.

I wrote this book because I wanted to share my experiences with domestic violence and homelessness with other people who have gone through the same experiences in their life, and to let them know that they too could survive and thrive.

At the height of my career as an attorney in Philadelphia I met a man I fell madly in love with and decided to give it all up to marry him. So we married and I immediately became pregnant. When I told my husband I was pregnant, my life instantly changed from one of joy to one of despair, fear and terror. Gone were the days of flower bouquets, tender love making, unexpected gifts and glorious evenings out. Instead, 

I learned to dodge fists, kicks and punches. I was thrown up against a door, his hands grabbed my neck,squeezing hard and choking me as he screamed, "I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you." By some miracle he stopped and ran out of the house, only to return with the warning, "If you try to leave me I will find you and kill you." Because what I didn't know was that he had been having an affair with a married woman and my getting pregnant was not in their plans.

When my son Ben was born, I was overwhelmed with a kind and depth of love I had never before experienced in my life. I felt blessed beyond belief! But I also knew that I had to protect Ben from the cruelty of my husband no matter what. A local woman's abuse shelter's hotline put me in touch with an attorney who would help us escape. She convinced a family court judge to give me full legal and physical custody of Ben and allow us to move to Florida to live with my sister. All was well. Until I realized that my husband has followed us to Florida and was hunting for me.

A friend told me about the local abuse shelter, which I called and was invited to enter with Ben. We were immediately validated, loved and understood. And I learned the meaning of the words "domestic violence," which I had never before heard. While Ben played with the other children in the shelter or met with the Children's Advocate, I compared notes with the other women in the shelter on the abuse we had endured or listened in rapt attention as the counselors described the different kinds and aspects of domestic violence. We were safe, secure and free. Until the counselors advised me that my husband had discovered Ben and I were in the shelter and was stalking us. We needed a plan to escape!

So the abuse shelter and the Salvation Army worked together to give us cash and to make reservations for us to stay at non-profit organizations alas we traveled across the country. So we packed our car, said goodbye to our friends and family and drove across the United States to San Diego, California. I quickly learned that the place we were supposed to live in when we arrived was intolerable and cruel, so we had to pay to stay in hotels. We quickly ran out of money and were forced to begin live in our car. I told Ben stories and we played games and pretended we were camping out. When I told him I was going to have to send him to live with his father he screamed, "No! No!" But I had no money to feed him and no place to get help.We were ordered to return to Philadelphia by the family court judge so, leaving my car in the airport parking lot in San Diego, we flew to Philadelphia, and, with a broken heart, I was forced to leave my only child with my husband.

I returned to San Diego, retrieved my car and began life in the only home I had....my car. For three days I sat in my car and cried. Having Ben ripped from my life had destroyed my soul. I was starving and penniless and didn't know where or how to get help. I lived in my car for a year, supporting myself by recycling cans and selling my plasma. I pretended I was Brother Lawrence, a 6th Century Carmelite monk whose job was cleaning the privies in the monastery, which he did to the glory of God. I vowed to become the best recycler San Diego had ever seen and to live with dignity and grace.

How I survived and how Ben and I was finally reunited with Ben is the story that follows.